How many blogs do you think are out there that are left like a garden in an old house? Well, I can say that mine has definitely been that way for awhile. Too often I get the urge to write and sit there with my hand glued to the DVR remote. Tonight it was just too strong to resist. Not to mention that all of my Greys Anatomy has been watched and the last episode COMPLETELY struck a chord. There was this point at the end where Arizona comes into the elevator and Callie is in there and just whispers her name...almost like a sigh. She turns around and just starts to make out with her...of course, it is just days after their break up and everything is so fresh and so newly open and festering.
Is it weird that I miss that feeling? Not that I want to break up with my hubs or anything, but that RAW passion. Like you just picked a scab and its so fresh and bleeding over. No matter how gross it is, or how you know you are going to bleed, you do it anyways. Perhaps this makes me slightly masochistic, but isnt there a certain amount of masochist in all of us?
I'll maintain that I probably have more than most, seeing I come from a whole family of "pickers", but I am ok with that. I've been in love with memories my whole life. Self medicating myself on romance novels and fairy tales...idealism and dreaming are on the forefront of my mind at any given moment.
I cant help but wonder though, if sometimes i feel more than other people. How vain, right? Leave it to a 27 year old romantic to think she feels more than the average person. But MAN...as quick as I can turn an emotion off, I get caught in those moments when watching or listening to something and my heart catches in my chest. My breath is cut short and my stomach drops. Tears well in my eyes and I feel EVERYTHING either the show or the song is trying to convey. Memories flood and its almost like I have been put back into the skin of mine when those events happened in my life. And, in those short and poignant moments...I thank everything that I am, was and am to become for those experiences...because love is such a special thing. Everyone takes it for granted...you say you wont, but you do. The little things creep in and your vision of a person changes in a moment from what you have built in a lifetime. But those moments, they take you back and they make you live...Appreciate all the loves lost...all the love you have given and all the love to come.
So, whisper someones name in an elevator. Pick the scab. Kindle some of that RAW passion back into your relationship...and if there was never any to begin with? Close that window and open the door and walk out. Because, everyone can feel that with someone. It may be for an instant, but as that song plays 5, 10, 50 years down the road...it will be enough to clog your throat and get your blood pumping...FEEL.
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