There are days that go by that I do not think of you at all. Pretty sure I have even gone weeks without the foreshadow of your memory. But every so often I sit alone and fall back. Sometimes I can even smell you and the pain that twists my insides is just as I remember it. You broke my heart so completely that I never thought I was to get it back. I never did get it back. Not completely anyways. Ive always talked of love when it came to you. Every word I remember, it seems. Every touch and every feeling you ever caused in me seems to be embedded so deep within me that it is a part of me. When I dream of you I can feel the link. Something tells me that you can feel me too…like I have said before…as if we touch in a dream world and feel all the things that have been suppressed, freely there. I cling to that part of my innocence. Dreams.
Do you know how I feel? Do you know what it was like to know that you loved me so completely but did not want me? Thinking there was something wrong with me, which is why we could not be together. Why did you do it? Why did you let me go and feel that pain? Feel the world without you in it?
I needed to write this letter. Im not going to say that it will be my last…but I am definitely going to try and make it that way. Im getting married next August and even though you think im settling. I am not. I am happy. He takes really great care of me and would do anything in the world for me. He really is an amazing guy and I was damn lucky to have found him. He is as solid as I always hoped you would be. I wish I could say that I hope you are happy for me, but I hope that you are not. I hope you feel every inch of pain that I have over you. I hope you feel as empty as you have caused me to be empty for so long.
I know the good and the just person is inside of you. Be the man that I know so well…that no matter how many years have gone by I can still see from time to time. When the wind ruffles your hair and caresses your cheek, know that my thoughts are carried there to touch you only as I have touched you. Think back on the passion and flame we ignited within one another. You’ve forever lost me…im in love with another.
the red and black - For many Junes, this was my favorite cocktail. Yes, I realize that I sound particularly like a weird food writer person and not a person who lives among ...