Ever feel like your life is the Titanic? Today, I do. I am that big, beautiful new ship. Embarking on life. I AM only 26, so this is like my first voyage, embarking out on the big blue for my first time. All of my friends and family have come to see me off. Some actually boarding to sail on with me. What I and those all around me do not know is, we are all about to hit a huge iceberg and we are all going to sink. Taking everyone I love and care about with me. The iceberg is slowly chipping away at my exterior and those small leaks that it is creating is filling with water.
Now don't think that this is some suicide attempt. I in no way believe that endings one life is the way to go. But, life is hard. And, I am finding that out. If you do not get it right when you first start off, it is a long process of fixing your mistakes. Not just with people, but with bills,debt, religion and jobs. I also am finding out that if you do not have a strong and solid foundation when growing up, a role model of sorts to help guide your way and explain how things work...the path alone is much harder.
My Husband lost his job five months ago. The struggle is immense, as I am sure it is for so many people right now in this economic decline. While I still have my job, the responsibilities that we used to share, have all seemed to fall hard on my shoulders. Constantly I war with what I should do, what needs to be done, and what my somewhat traditional mind set THINKS should be happening. As time goes by and we seem to struggle with money, the stress of it weighs on the both of us and not only does it seem like our life is slowly turning to shit, our relationship seems to suffer even more.
I try to be all about the, "as long as we have one another, we can be happy." But, the truth of what he constantly says to me is dragging me down even further. Life DOES indeed revolve around money, and if you do not have that...no, I am not talking about being a millionaire, I mean the means to just get by. Maybe, a little more than get by. Then relationships suffer. Our relationship is a prime example. Pride keeps me from giving up. Faith keeps me from giving up, but MAN, do you ever feel like throwing your hands up and saying, "GOD, I give up."
I'm know things will work out. I know that we will endure this and become a stronger entity in the end because of all of our struggles. But, for right now...I feel like the Titanic. Slowly sinking into the big blue, and it is only a matter of time before I take all of those amazing people and myself down to wash away in the moon lit tide.